So as I mentioned in my recent life update, I’ve sped some things up to graduate earlier. I can’t even tell you how badly I need to get out of academia. My hair is literally falling out from the stress.
That said, graduation seems like this foggy, allusive goal I’m never going to reach. Thinking about it is like trying to imagine nothingness. (Was I the only one who did that as a kid?) I have to concentrate really hard and I feel just the slightest excitement before it slips through my fingers. I’m probably also terrified but the fears are shapeless.
My brain isn’t having a problem articulating though. I have been having some really interesting dreams lately. Even for me, and I have some crazy-ass dreams:
-About a month ago I had a dream that I decided to make porn. And apparently dream-Jane was totally cool and calm about it. I was going to be filming in a van with some guy. But my mind censored it like a movie. One second I’m crawling into this van, and the next second its over and I’m climbing out. Weird. But then while I’m walking home, I get a phone call. Its the porn people telling me that I forgot my pet possum in the van. Why I brought a possum I don’t know but dream-Jane acted like nothing was out of the ordinary. Sure enough when I got back there, I saw a little possum inside waiting for me. The dream faded as I walked home carrying it.
-A couple weeks ago I had a dream that I was sent back to the 7th grade. And once again in my dream this was all standard. I was sitting in a bathroom stall in my old elementary school in my old uniform cursing myself for doing so badly in college that I got sent back. Long story short, I walk around the school until someone invites me to go to the kitchen to “watch the ladies who make the cheese”. I went through this weird Alice in Wonderland kind of door, down a staircase, and there they were. They even asked me if I wanted to learn how to do it.
-And just the other night I had another porn dream. This time my mother drove me and we sat in what seemed like a doctor’s office. A regular middle-aged receptionist then called me up, took the palm of my hand and scanned it. Dream-Jane knew that the porn company inserted a chip in there. I then checked a schedule which had my name listed across some guy’s, entered a locker room and that was it.
So what do you guys think of these new career choices? Porn star? Or cheese maker?