As I mentioned in a previous post, I recently applied for disability at my university.  Now don’t worry, I won’t go into a rant about it again. There was just this one moment during my intake that I can’t stop thinking about.

Here I was sitting in front of this strange woman who probably wasn’t much older than me.  She finishes taking in my information and listening as I tell her my issues with anxiety and schoolwork.  She flips through a few papers in a file and tells me, “To be honest, we’re not really comfortable dealing with a diagnosis like yours.”

It then hit me that I had never actually heard my diagnosis.  Is that something they’re supposed to tell you?  Does it have to do with the fact that I was only 15 or 16 when diagnosed?  And so I asked if she could read it to me.

“Major depressive disorder”

I suddenly had one of those weird out-of-body moments.  This feeling of foreignness pouring over me just from hearing those three words.  It was…strange, there’s no other way of putting it.  How can something that describes you feel so distant?

Does anyone else know what I mean?


2 thoughts on “Dissociation?

  1. Yes, I think I know what you mean. And yes, I would have expected you to be told a diagnosis, even at 15 or 16.
    Personally I think you should rant again about the way your uni treated you – it was a disgrace. Well that’s what I think, anyway!

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