Feeling restless and wretched

Let me give you a quick rundown of my weekend so far.  Thursday night was spent in one of those not fully awake therefor can’t get anything done/not able to fall asleep states.

I was however, supposed to accompany Caitlin skiing with the family she babysits for but texted her early Friday morning telling her I couldn’t make it.  She, of course, got mad at me so now I’m feeling guilty about that.  Its true I do have alot of schoolwork this weekend but if I’m being completely honest, I absolutely hate making commitments.  The idea of being obligated to do something makes me incredibly anxious.  Thats probably one of the reasons I’m terrible with my attendance.

The Iranian texted me to hang out Friday, which would have been perfect as I could let off some steam before devoting the rest of the weekend to homework.  But he canceled.

I then decided to take a sleeping pill in an attempt to get some rest and regulate my schedule.  I’ve been feeling exhausted lately but I suppose its all psychological since I have an assignment coming up.  The pill didn’t wear off for 17 hours so I slept in till about 3.

So far I’ve gotten nothing done and the idea of hanging out with the Iranian tonight just isn’t that appealing.  I have this urge to get ready and go out but the same time I want to stay in.   I feel so horribly restless and guilty and useless and lazy all at once.  I feel like the weekend has been a total failure and yet I’m not willing to do what I need to do to salvage it.  All I want to do is tear my hair out.


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