I’m feeling mopey.  Follow me on twitter:



Is my future in the adult film industry?

So as I mentioned in my recent life update, I’ve sped some things up to graduate earlier.  I can’t even tell you how badly I need to get out of academia.  My hair is literally falling out from the stress.

That said, graduation seems like this foggy, allusive goal I’m never going to reach.  Thinking about it is like trying to imagine nothingness.  (Was I the only one who did that as a kid?) I have to concentrate really hard and I feel just the slightest excitement before it slips through my fingers.  I’m probably also terrified but the fears are shapeless.

My brain isn’t having a problem articulating though. I have been having some really interesting dreams lately.  Even for me, and I have some crazy-ass dreams:

-About a month ago I had a dream that I decided to make porn.  And apparently dream-Jane was totally cool and calm about it. I was going to be filming in a van with some guy.  But my mind censored it like a movie.  One second I’m crawling into this van, and the next second its over and I’m climbing out.  Weird.  But then while I’m walking home, I get a phone call.  Its the porn people telling me that I forgot my pet possum in the van.  Why I brought a possum I don’t know but dream-Jane acted like nothing was out of the ordinary.  Sure enough when I got back there, I saw a little possum inside waiting for me.  The dream faded as I walked home carrying it.

-A couple weeks ago I had a dream that I was sent back to the 7th grade.  And once again in my dream this was all standard.  I was sitting in a bathroom stall in my old elementary school in my old uniform cursing myself for doing so badly in college that I got sent back.  Long story short, I walk around the school until someone invites me to go to the kitchen to “watch the ladies who make the cheese”.  I went through this weird Alice in Wonderland kind of door, down a staircase, and there they were.  They even asked me if I wanted to learn how to do it.

-And just the other night I had another porn dream.  This time my mother drove me and we sat in what seemed like a doctor’s office.  A regular middle-aged receptionist then called me up, took the palm of my hand and scanned it.  Dream-Jane knew that the porn company inserted a chip in there.  I then checked a schedule which had my name listed across some guy’s, entered a locker room and that was it.

So what do you guys think of these new career choices?  Porn star? Or cheese maker?

“Serial” (Am I late to the party?)


So to be honest, I’ve never been entirely sure what a podcast was.  Thats embarrassing, I know.  But I have this idea of them being mostly either chatty radio talk show-type programs or something instructional.  My dad for one listens to a lot of podcasts on photography so that may have put me off.

And then I came across “Serial” last night.

My synopsis isn’t going to do it justice but its sort of like if NPR and Dateline teamed up.  It’s a nonfiction episodic show hosted by Sarah Koenig.  This particular story follows the murder of a high school student.  Although her ex-boyfriend is serving life for the crime there are some who believe him to be innocent.  Koenig delves into the case, interviewing witnesses, experts, attorneys, and the accused.

Now, maybe Dateline isn’t the best way to describe it.  Its much too intelligent for that.  Koenig is quick, witty, and thorough.  The case is incredibly detailed without seeming sensationalized.  But its more than that.

One of the coolest things about podcasts, as I’m now discovering, is this weird intimacy.  Does anyone else feel this way?  Like it’s just me and this woman whose talking to me.  I’m solving this case with her.  It’s not the same as a blaring television in a room.

I’ve also realized that I’m terrible at processing through audio.  I’m sure that’s something most of us can relate to, what with television, videos, movies, etc.  But I also think I’m just better at reading.  I’ve been able to do it as long as I can remember so its weird not having a book as an option.

With the podcast, I have to concentrate, especially in a show with so many names, places, and technical details.  I often find myself having to rewind a couple of minutes whenever my mind starts to wander.  It feels almost as if I’m engaging a whole new part of my brain.

Not to mention there’s something so wonderfully old-timey about it.  I’m constantly hearing about radio shows from my parents (both born in ’52) and how wonderful the fictional stories were.  It’s difficult for me to even imagine listening to a soap opera for instance rather than watching it.

But so far I’m really enjoying this.  (I enjoy anything that feels remotely old-fashioned) Today for instance, I drove home (about an hour) in the snow, while listening to “Serial”, to find my mother had left a pot of stew on the stove.  So cozy.

So has anyone else heard it?  Do you get what I mean?

I’ve Given In

I’m sure the guilt will become unbearable and I’ll eventually delete it but…I’ve created a Twitter.

In my defense its not so much because I think anything I have to say is important, I’m just hoping James Deen will notice me and tweet me someday.  (I’m kind of in love.  Even though I probably wouldn’t even risk shaking his hand in real life)

Anyways, all joking aside, I really think it might be useful when I can’t write a post.

Please follow me, my page is looking pretty pathetic at the moment: @theanondawdler

Life Update

So, I dropped off the face of the earth as you may (or may not) have noticed.

Its the same old story, I freaked out about school, spent a couple weeks in bed, and am now struggling to finish the semester.

But things are looking up at the moment.  I still have some papers to write but it all seems doable.  I’ve also made some solid plans for the future.  I’ve dropped my English major (I’m now an Italian major with an English minor) to graduate sooner.   Assuming I’ve calculated correctly, I should be done with school by this summer.  One more thing that didn’t go according to plan right?

On a happier note, I hosted my first Thanksgiving.  I cooked and baked absolutely everything; I didn’t allow anyone to help.  And I pulled it off, at only 21 I might add.

I’ve also been doing a lot of reading lately, which I don’t usually get to do.  I finished “Room” by Emma Donoghue a few weeks ago, “The Light Between Oceans” by M. L. Stedman about a week later, and I’m now finishing up “The Little Friend” by Donna Tartt.  I might do some book reviews once I’m done with all my work.

I’m hoping you guys will be seeing more of me.  Bye for now.


To Tweet or Not to Tweet

I’m alive, but just barely.  I want to apologize for going MIA (as per usual) but I’ve been pretty bad lately.  The semester is coming to a close and I’m just trying to scrape by with the bare minimum.  This isn’t even a proper post but I just felt like I had to reach out and say something or I’m going to explode.

I also have been toying with an idea which I wanted to run past you guys (and by “you guys” I mean whoever happens to stumble across my blog).  I’m thinking twitter might come in handy for times like this, when I don’t have the time or nerves to write a post.  Would I be a total hypocrite?

Please let me know what you think.